This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
