I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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