He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
