I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
