apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
