I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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