There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
