Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
