Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
