good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
