Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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