It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Randomize
