naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
