ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
