I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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