More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
