check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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