we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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