a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
