Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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