We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
