im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
