Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
