i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
