Sacagawea was the original milf.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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