Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
