I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
