is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
