I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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