just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
