I hate all girls vehemently.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
