I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
pray to the hookup gods
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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