On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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