They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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