I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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