So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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