i wish my penis had a tongue
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
