She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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