Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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