Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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