God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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