like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
