I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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