I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
