Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
where are my eyebrows?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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