Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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