so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
