found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
