I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
