found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
