4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
