You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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