just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
