you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
