would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I look better un-naked...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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