I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
